Love and War In Couslands own words
by wolfamodais
Summary: AU.Morrigan and Cousland. Cousland tells the story. Rated T but could be M coz of a small part.


_Lukkeal Cousland/Female/Rogue/Silver eyes and Redish hair and Olive tone skin. _

_This is so not canon. It is AU. My female Cousland and Morrigan. Spoliers to the game also. You've been warned._

_BioWare is the owner of Dragon Age. I only own this plot. _

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><p>I'm Lukkeal Cousland. I have lost my family to a murdering traitor. I am thankful that my eldest brother was already on his way to fight in the Kings army when my fathers friend Arl How betrayed us and murdered my family. Thankfully a Grey Warden was there to help me escape but the price for me to escape was also as great as losing my life alongside my mother and father. I would have to become a Grey Warden and take in the taint to do so. So with the words of my mother echoing in my ears. I do just that and now my life is no longer my own. I am hurled into the chaos as the world is shaped before me.<p>

It has been some time now since the betrayal of my family and me becoming a Grey Warden. I don't know if Fergus is alive or dead. There has been no news of any new survivors from the battle of Ostagard. I keep my on vigil for him until other wise is know. I have a strange group of followers that has united with me on this quest to stop the Blight. There is Alistair who has been beside me since I got to Ostagard with Duncan the Grey Warded who was there when my family was killed. Duncan didn't survive the betrayal of Ostagard may he find peace where ever her may be.

There is the one who I trust more then anyone besides my brother and that is my marbi hound Kolski who managed to leave with me and Duncan when we fled Highever . On this journey I found out Alistar is next in line to be King. He however never wanted to be King and I can't say that I blame him. The second to join the "Cause" if you would is Morrigan the one who with the help of her mother Flemith saved Alistair and myself. Morrigan is known as The Witch of the Wilds and to sum that up she is just an apostate mage.

Sten a Qunari and Liliana a bard that joined us in Lothering. Orgeren the dwarf from Orzammar he lost his wife to this madness. Then there is an older mage who is from the Circle of magi and her name is Wynne. I also have a golem named Shale who I stumbled upon and found out that she was a dwarf at one time. Then there is Zeveran an Antivian Crow assassin but not a good one at that because he was hired to kill me.

I should mention that we also have two merchants that stay at came with us and both of them are dwarfs. One is Bodahn and the other is Sandal. Bodahn and Sandal had to leave there home for reason unknown but I am glad to have them. Sandal has an unusual knack for enchantments and that is more then helpful. The only ones I have ever came to know who where enchanter were mages that were striped of there power and know to be tranquil.

I sent out some of the group to scout and hunt. That leaves me and Shale and Morrigan along with Wynne at camp. I don't ask much of Wynne because of what happened to her in the tower. She besides my dog and Shale has my respect more then the rest of the group. It might be wrong but my respect that I give to other people is not something I give easily or freely. Orgeren or "O" as I like to call him has gained much of my respect also along with Sten.

The others are cross at me from time to time based on things I have done. I keep telling them I am not here to make friend and for some reason the one person who seams to understand that the most is Morrigan. Morrigan has her own little campsite away from the others. She is not ungrateful or anything but she tends to keep herself guarded from others because she has always had to hide most of her life and this has made her wary of others. If we would of met earlier in life I wouldn't know what to think about her and how she guards herself against others. Now I understand how she can be wary even amongst the ones who have become friend.

While the others are out I ask Shale to keep watch. I trust this to her for no one would suspect a statue to be alive. What better way to catch someone off grad then to be a golem. Wynne is tending the main fire and preparing a vegetable stew just in case the hunt goes bad. Morrigan is preparing some bandages and health salves for the returning party just in case they need them. I decide that sometime to myself is a well deserved treat.

So I head to the waterfall that is next to the camp. Our camp is nestled in between a small pond and a small river that is only slightly big enough to be considered to be a river. The waterfall feeds into the pond that is thankfully hided behind some brush and trees. I take with me a lavender soap that Wynne made because she likes her lavender. My towel and sword of curse a change of clothes. This would never have been a typical bath for me but now nothing I do is typical.

As I bathe I find my thoughts are on Morrigan. I come to realize that over the past week or so I have thought of her more often. There is something about her that for a lack of a better word intrigues me. I can't help but feel like we have met before. Like sometime when I was no more then a child of 13. Sometimes when I look at her I find myself remembering the time our family was coming home from staying at my mother's childhood home. We found ourselves just outside the tree ling of the Wilds due to our mules needing a break and a wheel on one of the carts had to be repaired.

Our caravan seemed so large then but I was only a child then. Mother had this golden mirror that I loved so. I was sick that day and mother had laid it beside me so I would feel like she was always there even when she couldn't be. I sat up to sip my soup that Fergus had brought me I laid the mirror just out of my sight next to me. When my head was turned the mirror had been stolen or fell from the wagon that I was in. As I looked for it I heard a noise in the brush next to me and the wagon. As I looked to where it was coming from I had seen a girl with dark hair and pale skin giggle and run off into the Wilds. I never told anyone about that and the mirror was never found.

As I finish my bath it occurs to me that in a strange way Morrigan has a similar look of the girl who ran off in the Wilds. The only thing is that girl would of been younger then me about the age of 9. Morrigan could not be her for she is older then me but not more then 2 years older. I dress and sit on log and stare off into the darkness and that of the moonlight that shimmers and dances on the water.

My thoughts are of the ones in our group who seem to be smitten with me. I sometimes see Zev and Leliana and Alistar glancing at me and they have a puppy dog look about them. Alistar is more shy then the other two and that makes me laugh just a bit because if times were different I know that my wildly ways would use that just to bed him. I also know that would end in disaster because he is also a virgin. I managed to get that much out of him one night when we were talking about our past and he had asked about my thoughts on love and tings of the sort. Love was something my parents where in and so was Fergus with his wife.

I knew of love and the many stages of love but I wanted nothing to do with it. I only hungered for lust and why not I am a Cousland after all and young and beautiful. If by chance I ever desired love or fell in love then I would deal with it when that time came. I was in no hurry for love and marriage. I enjoyed my freedom and being able to bed anyone at my whim. I didn't just jump into bed with everyone I was with. I do have some standers and rules I live by. As a Cousland I was desired by many and I knew that. With that knowledge and the knowledge that most seek power I kept my hart closed to love. What I do is only skin deep coz it's only lust not love. I didn't lie to anyone about that whenever anyone found there way to my bed. A lesson that was learned at a young age when I took a lovely young lady to my bed. She was also of noble birth and was betrothed to someone else. She had grown fond of me and she found herself falling in love with me. I didn't know any of this before hand. I also didn't know that she was a virgin. That is also when I found out that sex with virgins was never a good thing. Because too many emotions were involved and one of them was love. As I think back on it I can't say I regret all of it for I to have developed a mere fondness for Anora. There was the fact that I of all people was the one that took her virginity and her heart. It was not until much later that I found out that Anora had married Callen and became Queen.

As I sat there thoughts running through my head Morrigan had made her way to where I was. She was trying to sneak up on me but my senses were always in tune with my surroundings mainly because of the taint. I knew it was her because she had this sent of sweet vanilla about her and it was ever so faint. So I need not bother to grab my sword. She sat down beside me and questioned me about my actions of why I didn't bother to grab my sword. All I could tell her is I knew it was her. I could see that my answer was not enough for her. She needed to know why or how I knew. I was not going to devoge my secret to her for she was the last person I would trust to tell that to.

I had a keen sense of knowing things about who was trying to seek up on me. I have had this sense of knowing after the fever I had when I was 13. But now the taint enhanced it somehow. It was the same year I had spotted the girl in the Wilds and lost the mirror. I was not sure why Morrigan was here because she earlier today had taken her bath. I knew this not because of the time she was gone from her tent but because I was trying to nap in a tree that was next to the pond. I was up in the tree that hanged over the pond. It had the best view of the entire camp.

So while I was up there napping she was below me bathing. It was the sound of her singing a tune that woke me. I then found myself watching her. I toss it up to my wildly ways and how carefree I am as to why I watched her. This was not the first time I found myself watching her. It was not the first time I had watched my other companions for that matter. I have always watched them as they do normal mundane things. From making a snack to sleeping or taking there shifts of being the watchman for the camp.

I watch and studied them like you would study combat or magic. I know how each one moves to the way each one breathes when in a deep sleep. I know them more then they know me. This is one of many things my father bestowed into me. He however was not too keen on this for it got him killed. So I take to heart what my parent ensteled in me. Words that I took for mere ramblings and pointless chatter. Now I see the life's lessons in the words of my parents. I hold them close but I also have to hold on to myself and the life lessons that I know keep me true to myself.

Morrigan sits still beside me. Looking at the water watching the light of the moon dance as the ripples of the water dictate the moves.

_"So Warden are you going to tell me how you knew T'was me and not some darkspawn cometh upon you?" _Morrigan asks in that sultry mischievous voice she sometimes used to get her way.

It works a bit too much on most people but I also knew that she uses a hit of magic to help it along. I am wise at that and she knows it. So she doesn't dare to use magic on me for what reason is her own. Maybe she knows that I wouldn't hesitate to run her through with my sword.

_"Why Morrigan you are being sincere in you questionings." _I say to her not looking in her direction. My attention is on the water as I have noticed her controlling the ripples of the water to her liking. She knows it was more of a statement then a question.

_"How dare you accuse me of that? I just want to know what foul magic you possess to know not to draw a weapon. Or did you only hope that what came behind you was friendly." _she said again this time with a touch of hostility in her voice.

_"I have already told you and you no need to probe me further of this matter." _I say with force and anger. I start to leave when she grabs my wrist and ask me to stay a bit longer.

_"What could you possible want me to stay for?" _I ask. That is when I should of known better then to ask such a thing let alone stay when she beckoned me to.

_"The others have been back for a time now. They arrived 5 minuets before I came this way to talk with you." _Morrigan stated and took a deep breath.

_"So what does that have to do with you grabbing my arm and wanting me to stay?" _I asked with as much calmness I could afford to muster.

_"I have watched them just like you watch us Warden. T'would not be a suspire to you that three of them have a great deal of desire for you?" _Morrigan spoke with a soften tone.

_" I am aware that they desire things from me. I would be a fool if I didn't. What is it to you Morrigan?" _I asked trying to keep calm.

I walk over to the big tree that I sometimes napped in. I lean against it facing the pond, and laid my sword against the tree keeping my hand on the hilt of the sword. I take slow deep breaths trying to keep myself composed so I don't slap Morrigan cause Maker knows I have been wanting to do so for a long time.

_"I have a problem with how they go about things with you. They ask and you give. Not one of them has asked if you need something." _she continued.

_"You never talk about how or what caused you to be a Grey Warden. You keep to yourself. The little bit you have talked to any of them you find out that Alistar is next to be King and is not experienced in certain things. Leliana is a spy who lied and used the Chantry to hide along with other things. Zevern the so called assassin using you to save himself. The rest of them are more loyal at least." _she paused before going on.

"_Then there is me. I'm sure that you ask yourself what it is I could want from you." _Morrigan paused. She got up from the log we both had been sitting on and began to walk towards me.

I asked her what I thought was a simple question.

_"So what of it Morrigan?" _She was now extremely close to me so much so I could feel the heat of her body. She was calm as she approached entering my personal space.

_"Why ask such a question of me? There are several things I want. I told them to you as we set out to Lothering did I not." _she continued.

_"That has not changed. What has changed is my life. Being here has caused me to face more danger then I could have in a lifetime living in the Wilds. You do ask about me from time to time like you do the others." _Morrigan leaned in but not close enough that we would be toughing. Her body was radiating heat that was not magical. I was not sure what to make of what she was trying to do.

_" Morrigan, just say what it is you have to say. I am in no mood for much of anything." _I said with a heated tone.

She moved closer to me so close she was pressed up against me. Her right hand on the tree next to my head and her left hand on my shoulder. Her face was so close that I could feel her cool breath on my neck as she spoke.

_"What are your desires? Surely you desire something more then revenge for your family?" _said Morrigan as she ran her left finger down my neck.

I then slid my left hand between us and pushed her away as I answered her.

_"There are things I desire like anyone else. However my desires can't come to light for I have boundaries and respect for those things I can't have." _I took a deep breath before I continued.

_"I also don't like being toyed with." _I said as I stepped forward to go to camp.

Morrigan pushed me against the tree with force. More force then I was aware she would of used. Then she was pinning me against the tree with her own body and I could feel her breath upon my face. Her body was not as hot as before and her breathing had become calmer.

As she spoke her words were crisp and soft but had a bit of sultry in it.

_" If I wanted to toy with you Warden, I would have done so long ago. Thou would not of liked it." _she said as she ran her left hand up my side to my neck and then to my hair.

_" T'is desire of your is something I could help you with. You just have to let me in and trust me like you trust them." _she said as she tilted her head to the camp.

Her right hand was moving down my side to my hip. Her left hand was now playing with my hair. I put my left hand on her waist to try to push her off but could not gain leverage.

_"Morrigan whatever do you think you are doing. We both know that you could never do something like this. So don't start something you have no intention to go through with." _I said as I managed to get both hands around her waist to push her off me and free myself.

I mad a quick step behind her and then placed myself up against her. I could feel her tensing up and becoming uncomfortable as I became the predator and she the pray.

_" I don't intend to stop once I have started something like this Morrigan. I am not that cruel to get someone turned on and then make them suffer and have to take care of it themselves." _I said as I leaned into her and my hands around her waist. My face close to hers and my breath calm and cool touching the nap of her neck as I spoke.

She shivered at every touch I made and every breath that came in contact with her skin. To teas her or maybe to just torture her more. I gently kissed her on the side of her neck down by her collarbone. I felt her body tense more and shiver. Then as quickly as I started I let go and began to walk away once more.

_"I'm sorry Morrigan that I had to stoop to that to prove a point. I know of desire and you can't give me my desire." _I said as I made my way back to camp.

I checked in with the rest of the gang and then said my goodnights. The talk with Morrigan made my head hurt and I had already began to tier before she began to probe me for what I see now was her own amusement. I laid in my tent and for some time listened to the others talk and laugh. Leliana was telling a story and Orgrahn was passing out his new ale and he to was starting to pass out. I could tell by the way he slurred words that were native to dwarfs.

I finally doze off. My dreams were of a lust lost but not forgotten and of someone I could of let in to love. My boundaries however keept me from what I at one time found myself desiring. I still do from a distance. That can never be for she is out of my reach. There is nothing she could never have I suppose. She is the Queen for Makers sake. Anora was my greatest dearest friend at one time and one I had desired. She is also the one who bestowed apone me to never sleep with a viraigan. Too many emotions and expatiations involved.

Of course it didn't help things that she knew me like a book and I here. I tried to not let her be emotionally attached to me and not desire to be with me. My efforts were lost and one night I as I sleep I was awoken to her kissing my stomach and her hands trying to undo my shirt. I was shocked to say the least. I stopped her before things could continue. I did let her stay and lay with me that is most likely where I went wrong. That is where I became involved more then I wanted to and my emotions began to get in the way and cause emotions I didn't want nor have need of. These nights went on for months. She was getting to me but at the same time she was betrothed to Callin. This was a rule I didn't want to break and did anyways along with taking someone's virginity.

Before my mind caught up to what was going on with Anora and me. I found myself not taking anyone to my bed. This allowing for her to be there if she so desired to be. I found myself waiting to see if she would show and come to my room to lay with me. Then one rainy night after months of her just laying in my arms she asked me to take her. She wanted me to be the one to take her innocence. She was the one to make the first move and she took my hand and ran it under her shirt letting me know it was ok. That night was special for her and myself. I was different with her, I was genital and caring with her. I made love to her. She was the only one I have ever made love to. My dreams were of that night.

I awoke to the touch of someone kissing my neck. As my eyes adjusted I was shocked to find Morrigan in my tent. I sat up with a fierce jolt and looked in the direction of where Morrigan was and found nothing. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. Then there was a cold gust of wind over my face. I noticed that the tent flap had not been sealed shut. My ears adjusted to seek out noise and when I picked up on something it was the faint chuckle of Morrigans voice. I grab the flap of my tent and peered out and looked in the direction of the chuckle.

It was just starting to become dawn and the light picked up on Morrigan walking back to her tent and she had wrapped around her my favrot blanket. I could also see she was caring something in her arms. When my eyes final adjusted to the light of the dawn I could see that Morrigans legs were bare and my blanket was slightly off her shoulders and they to were bare. A thought rushed through my mind that I didn't want to think, and it frightened me to think it. I closed the flap of my tent shrugged my shoulders and shook my head in disbelief that anything happened.

It couldn't of because Morrigan just was not that way and she made sure I knew it from the start. Then the thought of her and my blanket hit me and I shivered to even think, no it couldn't have. I laid back down needing sleep and prayed for sleep to engulf me. Sleep took hold once more and it was several hours before I was awake once more. This time woken by the sounds of my own blood curling screams and a flash of my family being slaughtered. I exited my tent to find that no one was in camp and only a note was left by the campfire pit with a pot of coffee.

The note read:, _Went to the city to talk to Brother Genitivia about the resting place of Andrasta. Will be back before dusk, have a good rest you deserve it. Will pick up supplies while in the city. Not sue what you may want but know what you need. Morrigan told us before we left. Oh yeah, she sat out before us not sure where she gone off to. She said she would be back tonight. Wynne made the coffee, it is quiet good. Sten made his biscuits you like and Zev and Orgrean made the eggs and bacon for you. I made you something to you just have to look in my tent for it. Didn't want anyone to know what it was or get there hands on it. _

_You're Sweets,_

_Leliana_

As I read I was not sure what to think. Morrigan was right about them and their desire for me. I knew that things like this could happen but I never would have thought that it would be some kind of sport for them. Who would get the prize of my affection or my love? If love is what they sought then they would be completely mistaken and hurt to know love is not for me. It never has been and never will be. I made my way to Lelianas tent to find strawberries and honey. I have not had either for some time. As I exited the tent to my surprise Morrigan was entering camp. She was caring a basicket of apples. Oh how I love apples and honey. It was something my mother would make for me when she wanted to make sure I had something in my stomach.

I walked back over to the pot of coffee and sat down. There was also the hot plate of food that was left. The smell of eggs nauseated me and I was not to fond of bacon. If these people wanted to woo me then the only one on the right page was Leliana and Wynne but Wynne didn't count. I stared at the apples Morrigan had and my mouth began to water. She must have seen the look on my face because she stopped from going to her tent and returned to have a set next to me.

Handing out an apple and a slight smile. She made a commit about wasting food but said she understood that I didn't like eggs and bacon. She took the food and scraped it into the dish I used for the dog.

She then left me with two apples and headed to her tent once more. and but as she did so she looked back and said.

_" Thank you, last night was-"_ and left it at that.

I was stunned. I just grabbed my fruit and went back to my tent. I needed to think, to do something, to just not be. What was the point I wondered to myself. If I was to go to her and question her I would not get anywhere. At least this way I could rest and think of what my next move would be if anything.

I was sleeping and felt the cool breeze across my face. Someone was checking on me and I was at ease with it. Morrigan had entered my tent. She woke me up by shaking me awake. She had with her my blanket and something to drink. I just shushed her away with one hand. She didn't go anywhere. Instead she just put the blanket behind me just in arms length. She then handed me a cold drink of water. Saying that I needed it for I would dehydrate and parish and she would be blamed and she didn't want that. So I sat up and took a drink of freshly cold water. She then took the bottle of water and placed it above the head of my bed. I thanked her and rolled over to sleep so more because I knew by body needed rest.

I then said to her about letting the others know I was thankful for what they did thinking she was leaving my tent. She didn't leave instead she just laid down beside me and said that too much sleep to fast was not good as she rolled me back over to face her. Slightly shocked at this I then found myself engaging in her chatter about what we had talked about the previous night. She was not giving up on what I desired. So I sat up again and reached for the bottle of water.

_" OK, Morrigan if I tell you about my desire will you let me be?" _I asked her with a tired voice.

_" Lukkeal, all I can tell you is this. I will try to let it rest as long as you speak the truth." _she said with truth in her voice. It was also a shock to me. For one she has never called me anything but Warden. This time she used my first name. So I told her about Anora and how I felt about what happened and how I was fond of someone. She sat there and listened and took my hand in hers.

_"OH, I see. You should know that I understand and it is ok Lukkeal." _is all she could say.

As I was talking to her and as my hand was in hers I felt her soft skin of her leg. She had placed my hand apone her leg. She was running my hand up her leg to her inner thigh. Before I knew what was happing both of my hand were on her body moving over her and lurching for the claps to undress her from her shirt. She must of knew I was not sure what to do because I pulled away when I relised what was going on. Morrigan held my hand at my wrist and pulled me closer to her.

_"I want you, please do not stop Lukkeal." _is all she said then kissed me.

The next thing I knew we were both naked and laying with each other her in my arms. With her head on my stomach both of us breathing hard. She broke the silence with only a few words.

_" Do you want me to stay or go Lukkeal?" _she asked softly her breath hot as it toughed my stomach.

_"Morrigan you can stay if you want." _That was all that was said between us as we both fell asleep. Her laying on me as her arms were wrapped tight and me stroking her hair.

This thing between Morrigan and I went on like this up until the night I was talked into rescuing Anora and then found myself in Fort Drake prison. That was the moment that Morrigan realize that Queen Anora was the Anora I had told her about. Not knowing how to handle me being in prison because of Queen Anora. Morrigan looked at her not just as Queen Anora but as the one I desired. The one who now left me to who knows what fate. Morrigan had to do something and she knew only one person she could get to help her and that was also the one person who bothered her. That person was Leliana.

_"I know that you are not fond of me and that you are bitter with me over how things worked out between me, you and Lukkeal. I am civil with you because she asks me to be. Now I come to you for your help to save her because I know that you also love her." _her voice rushing with emotions of dread and hope all in one. She continued.

_"That bitch Queen Anora is to blame for this and we have to do something. Don't get me wrong I have no illusions about this. I know that she could already be dead. I also know that no matter how much I want to get revenge Lukkeal would not allow it weather or not Anora is Queen. Will you help me or not Leliana?" _she ended it at that.

_" I will help you Morrigan, not because you asked but because what was done was wrong and if there is a chance to save Lukkeal we must do something. Of course the thing is even if you had a plan to do so we don't know where Lukkeal is being healed." _Leliana said. Morrigan looked at her with a bit of a smirk then said.

_"Need not to worry about knowing where she is for I know where she is. We just need a plan to get her out is all." _she said and then was on her way out of Lelianas room only to be stopped by Lelianas next question.

_"Morrigan how do you know where she is? When Queen Anora is not sure where they took her." _Leliana questioned with a curiosity tone.

_"Oh, Leliana then that proves that Anora never did care about her. You also should not doubt me when it comes to things I know of. I gave her more then just my heart and before you think of anything smart it was more then something then that even." _Morrigan left it at that and left the room.

The next day the two sat at to rescue me and before sunset had me out of Fort Drake and back in the palace to confront Queen Anora. I went to Anoras room later to confront her in private about feeling betrayed and when I got there I seen Leliana outside Anoras room and heard shouting. When I got there the door was ajar and I could see Anora and Morrigan going at it. Leliana was there to prevent me from breaking it up. So all I could do was waiting and listen to what was said.

_"You will never love her and be able to give her all I can Morrigan. I am Queen and what I want I get. Not only that but I have her heart and always will. What do you have? What could you possible give her?" _Anora continued and was more hateful each time.

_"YOU are nothing to her. Just another conquest. Another notch in her belt so to speak. YOU are just an apostate only saved from now being in the Circle because you are in her little group. What do you think will happen when the blight is no more? I will make sure you are made tranquil Morrigan." _

Before any more could be said I broke through Lelianas hold and into the room. I slapped Anora and grabbed Morrigan and pushed her behind me.

"_Anora!" _I shouted with hate in my voice.

"_Say what you like but you no longer have a hold on me! You lost that hold a long time ago! You are my greatest conquest. You should also know what I felt for you was never love. It was only lust. What you thought you gave me is what I took."_

I continued holding Morrigans hand tight but gently.

" _What Morrigan has of me I give to her freely. What I give her is LOVE. Something you will never have." _with that I pulled Morrigan to me and we left.

Leliana in shock but followed us out of the palace and into the gardens. When outside we all took a much needed breath.

_"You know that this could not go to go with the Landsmet and all." _Leliana said and then looked at the two of us.

We were embraced in a kiss and holding each other pashinonaly.

_"I will leave you. If you need me you know where I will be." _said Leliana and left us there.

A few days later we were faced with the news that the Archdemon had been seen. This was the news we all had waited for and dreaded. That was also the day that Alisatar and myself found out why only a Grey Warden could kill the Archdemon. Not only was it because of the taint but it was because when slayed the essence of the Archdemon seeked out a tainted vessel. We being a mortal vessel and it being an empty vessel combined into one. When this happens the Archdemon is slain and in the process the Grey Warden who slays it dies.

I couldn't believe what was said. Rejorden said he would take that blow but if he was to fail I was the one to make sure to take the final blow. I had vonlitared myself for the job because I was not going to let Alistar do it for her was to be King and Maker forbid Anora become the next ruler. She may be Queen but Maker help me she to was to blame for all this and there was no way she was going to be rewarded for this.

Then there was Morrigan, I couldn't let Anora rule and make Morrigan tranquil. Morrigan always said that being tranquil was a fate worse then death. So it was not just about the Kingdom anymore. My purpose became more than the greater good. It became personal and I was going to be her savior. So now I was preparing to embrace death. Death now had a greater perpous then myself. I was doing something selfless for the sake of love.

I finally did what I always said I would never do. I broke my rules. Rules that I put in place so no one would get hurt and so I would not hurt. Now the moment in my life I was able to love since the death of my family. Everything was on the brink of destruction and death was the only answer. Maker has a since of humor in life in love and in death. All of it was running through my mind. I was feeling guilty for allowing myself to fall in love. For allowing someone to desire me and love me just for me. Morrigan loved me for me. Not because I was Lukkeal Cousland daughter of Tryon Bryce Cousland of Highever. I was just Lukkeal. She also found someone to look past what she was and to see her for herself and not be afraid. I love her for her and I'm not afraid of what she is or could do.

I walked into my room trying to make since of it all and fighting back all my emotions. When I heard Morrigans voice with hurt and anger in her voice but there was a strange since of calm underneath it all.

_" Don't be alarmed. T'is only I. I know about your dilemma you face. I have the answer to the loop in your hole." _she said.

I didn't know what to say as she continued to speak. I sat down on the bed my head down staring out into nothing. Numbness consumed me and my head felt heavy but dizzy. Tears rolled down my face and everything I thought I was done feeling came boiling up and out of me. Hate and anger and sadness and emotions that I didn't know I was even capable of having came flowing out of me.

Morrigan did her best to comfort me and stay calm. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She wanted to conceive a child to take the taint of the Archdemon. To save me but in return I would never see her again. How could she think this was better then what I have just heard from Rejorgan? I couldn't believe what happened next. I of all people agreed to allow Morrigan to go through with her plan. I convinced Alistar to sleep with her and conceive this Old God Child. I and Morrigan spent our final hours together holding each other then the hour came for her to go.

I had never felt too helpless. I was always the strong one. I was the one who sat out on this journey as a savior. It was never about me. Now in my life I found that I was the one who was being saved. Morrigan was not the savior it was not who she allowed herself to be. Now however she was doing something that was not like her. She was going to become selfless and become my savior. Risking it all to save me and she knew the risk and was going to take it. Lay it all on the line she said and in the name of love.

The morning of the battle we all said our final goodbyes for just in case. I had Alistar to lead the team in the city. Morrigan, Leliana and Shale were with me on our way to face down the Archdemon. When we reached the top of Fort Drake I froze in place. I was about to open the door to the top and couldn't move. Everyone looked at me and all I my life felt over as that moment hit me. This was the end for better or worse. In a moment I pulled Morrigan to me and kissed her and it was not a goodbye kiss but a kiss of forgiveness and love and letting her know that all was ok.

I then turned to the door and the battle of my life began. When I was able to finally knock the Archdemon down and it stayed down I glanced back and wispard

_"I Love You." _to them all but mostly to Morrigan.

I then grabbed the great sward and never looked back. I charged towards the Archdemon and with all my might raised the sword above my head and with one swift move brought down the sword into the head of the Archdemon and all this energy began to engulf me. I felt electricity and a light and then this great powerful blast and then all went black. Just before the blast I could hear Morrigans voice scream out with pain and sorrow. The last words I heard her say was

_"I always loved you." _With that it was all over.

I don't remember what happened next. I woke up weeks later in my room in the castle in Heighever. Fergus was there and so was Leliana and Wynne and Shale and of course my dog. Everyone else had left to go do there own thing and to be at Alistars said for he's coronation to be King. It was a while before my memory had recovered fully.

Morrigan had left once the battle was over. Everyone including her thought that I was dead. Because when the blast happened it blew me up and off into the sky. I had landed on a small ledge on the tower of Fort Drake. The most experienced healers had pronounced me dead. Morrigan was in shock and disbelief. She herself tried to revive me. To her the ritual didn't work. It looked that way to all of them. Two days later I was place in a tomb for preparation to be set to the fire in three days. When I was in there she had left because she said she couldn't bare to see me that way. The day before I was to be set to the fire Leliana came to lay flowers at the site. That was when I awoke. Of course that caused more then panic with her and Wynne who waiting for her to exit the tomb when Lelianas screams where heard. Wynne was able to set everyone's mind to ease when she was able to explain why I was alive. It seems that the blast had indeed sent me into the Fade but I was alive enough to wonder the Fade and finally had enough energy to make my way back from the Fade. It was much like what she had went through.

In time they all left me except Leliana. Shale had gone to Orzamar to seek out her questions but would return she said. Wynne had a job in Alisters court teaching. Sten went home to report about the blight. Orgeran stayed with Alistar until his new woman Felcee asked him to come home. Zeveren had to leave because he had a score to settle with the crows. Bodahn and his boy Sandal left to go to Kirkwall for a job.

It was several months later when Heighever had an unexpected visitor. My brother Fergus was away on a hunting trip and it was just the servants and Leliana and myself when the knock at the main door came. Leliana was the one to answer the door. I was in the garden tending flowers that I had planted for mother and father, Orian and Ondana.

The person at the door was Morrigan and she was with child. It appears that the ritutual had took. She however was confused and was seeking answers but mostly she was there to give her condoles to Fergus for the lost of his sister, mainly myself. Leliana let Morrigan in. Leliana had taken it upon herself to lead Morrigan to the garden where I was at.

When they got there Leliana announced there presence and I stood and turned to greet our guest. We locked eyes and Morrigan was in shock and then began to speak.

_"You are supposed to be dead." _is all I heard. That is all could be said when she fell and began to cry.

Fin!


End file.
